My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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