I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
