I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize