Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
They took my balls.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
