I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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