Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
