if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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