I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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