i need an iv and a liver transplant
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
