They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
