I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
whose parrot is this?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
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