Pappa wants mamma naked
I hope mine doesn't look like that
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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