Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
