no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
