dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
