We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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