He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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