I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
