Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
