my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
