When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
