i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
