if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
