I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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