i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
