hotel room ftw
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
