??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
