It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
did you just send me my own nude
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize