be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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