Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
