I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
bring money and cleavage
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Randomize