So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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