he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need to sanitize my soul.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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