his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize