Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
