MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can't turn off my feet"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
