Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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