How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
