Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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