You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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