do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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