how can u be prego again
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
