i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
