She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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