she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
as a side note pls kill me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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