Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
