I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The best revenge is premature balding
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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