There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
