Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
