U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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