She went from zero to smokin in five shots
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
