I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
