listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize