I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He passed out mid-signature
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
