Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
