Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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