Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize