If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
