I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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