Just cropdusted the office
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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