i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
