Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Mom said you looked used
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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