you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
