so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
