Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
