There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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