real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
you never un-have a 4some
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
