HIV tests are more positive than that guy
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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