i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My bed smells like the plague
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
