can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
