never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
