the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
