What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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