Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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