So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
