Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
