I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
