Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
