ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize