I feel great
I just peed on a car
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
