Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
