i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize