The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
