Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
