I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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