i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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