I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
