Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
