I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
