My first STD was from a foam party
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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