I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
